I'll keep this blog simple. On Monday, I begin a 6-week challenge which involves eating right and working out. When I was working out a year ago, I was much happier and had more energy--yeah, yeah, yeah...it's true what "they" say.
I took "before" pictures, which even though my last post, I said I was going to post more photos, this time, I must refrain. So, as I mentally prepare, I am brought back to a moment with my mother.
We were looking at pictures when she first retired and she was looking at a photo and said, "Who is that fat woman in this picture ?" I've reached that point. I hate having my picture taken, but cant wait for my first selfie after the six...12..18 weeks, but I haven't reached retirement age.
I'm committed and want to live longer than my mother; I want my grandchildren to remember me, as I remember my grandma. I want to be the grandmother, my mother was to my children and my grandma was to me.
YOU and THEY are the greatest motivator on this journey.
Thanks for always being there for me.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
This Life I Live
For some time, I have been following Rory Feek's blog, "This Life I Live". He began blogging so he had a permanent record of the life he lived. He has experienced some triumphant times; birth of his daughter, grammy nomination...and heart wrenching times; his mother's cancer diagnosis and then death and most recently the death of his wife, Joey Feek.
Where am I getting with all of this?
At the risk of sounding cheesy, he became my inspiration; bringing meaning to my already fulfilling life. When his heart would break, there was always a lesson and/or a time of reflection. Whether it was good or bad, he thanked God for what he had.
I too, am thankful. Thankful for the life I live and thankful to God for this crazy, yet unbelievable life.
When I first started blogging, I began with the dream that I one day, would be the next Erma. Volume 1 was written to remind myself to keep life on the "light" side, no matter how difficult. It also served to provide my mother with communication about what was going on in my life; and when she could tell I was hurting, I'd get a phone call.
The phone doesn't ring during those times anymore, and stopped ringing seven years ago; and it will be two years since my father died; both, in the month of August. There has been life after their deaths and the only regret I have is that I haven't recorded that time in writing.
And again, back to Rory's inspiration, he adds pictures...and those that know me, know, I will have one or two of those...
Mom, although the phone didn't ring; this ones for you and Dad.
Thank you. Thank you, for this life I live.
Where am I getting with all of this?
At the risk of sounding cheesy, he became my inspiration; bringing meaning to my already fulfilling life. When his heart would break, there was always a lesson and/or a time of reflection. Whether it was good or bad, he thanked God for what he had.
I too, am thankful. Thankful for the life I live and thankful to God for this crazy, yet unbelievable life.
When I first started blogging, I began with the dream that I one day, would be the next Erma. Volume 1 was written to remind myself to keep life on the "light" side, no matter how difficult. It also served to provide my mother with communication about what was going on in my life; and when she could tell I was hurting, I'd get a phone call.
The phone doesn't ring during those times anymore, and stopped ringing seven years ago; and it will be two years since my father died; both, in the month of August. There has been life after their deaths and the only regret I have is that I haven't recorded that time in writing.
And again, back to Rory's inspiration, he adds pictures...and those that know me, know, I will have one or two of those...
Mom, although the phone didn't ring; this ones for you and Dad.
Thank you. Thank you, for this life I live.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Are You There Mom? It's Me, Julie.
In her death, my mom always promised, she would be where she was needed, just as she told us, "She always sent Joey to be with the famiy member who needed him most"...so as I drove, I looked at the sky for a sign that she was there...I thought I saw her rays in the sky, but prayed that it'd be more evident...I really needed to pass this test...and know she was there...she was my first phone call when I passed it the first time...
At the registration desk, I was greeted by a grumpy, 30-something woman, who sat in her chair sideways as she provided sign-in instructions. I checked my purse into a locker and returned my acknowledgement form to "the woman" who asked me, "Who are you again?" Hoping the service I received was not any indication on how I would do on the test, I followed her into the waiting room where she told me to have a seat.
The testing room door opened and a women in her early 60's smiled and politely continued with the check-in procedures; which included a security scan and checking my pockets. She then led me to the desk where we sat down face-to-face.
"Oh, I am SO going to pass this test!" I told Gretchen as I viewed her nametag while she verified my ID's.
Dumbfounded, she looked at me, then not knowing how to respond said, "Oh...really?
"Yes," I exclaimed with a huge smile on my face, "my mother's name was Gretchen."
I should have never doubted my mother's presence, but sometimes...and she knew this...I just needed a more subtle sign.
I passed!
At the registration desk, I was greeted by a grumpy, 30-something woman, who sat in her chair sideways as she provided sign-in instructions. I checked my purse into a locker and returned my acknowledgement form to "the woman" who asked me, "Who are you again?" Hoping the service I received was not any indication on how I would do on the test, I followed her into the waiting room where she told me to have a seat.
The testing room door opened and a women in her early 60's smiled and politely continued with the check-in procedures; which included a security scan and checking my pockets. She then led me to the desk where we sat down face-to-face.
"Oh, I am SO going to pass this test!" I told Gretchen as I viewed her nametag while she verified my ID's.
Dumbfounded, she looked at me, then not knowing how to respond said, "Oh...really?
"Yes," I exclaimed with a huge smile on my face, "my mother's name was Gretchen."
I should have never doubted my mother's presence, but sometimes...and she knew this...I just needed a more subtle sign.
I passed!
Thursday, January 29, 2015
The Road Less Traveled
In my younger years, I was more like my father (although HE would never admit it, even though everyone in my immediate family told us so...I can only smile when I remember his response, "I am not like HER!") My mom would always tell me, "There is no one more righteous than your father." It's true. He fought every battle in which he felt his values were being compromised, he never faltered in his beliefs and stood firm to what he believed in...and you never wanted to make him mad, although, I, (and my siblings) were pretty good at that one...(in our younger years)
Fast forward to present day and a funny thing happened, or so my brother-in-law, Tony thinks...and I found real joy in his response of, "Wow, you have really softened in your old age!" and he laughed (a lot) and even retold this story...
While in Mexico we boarded our two dogs. Upon return of picking them up, I was greeted with, "We weren't sure if we should have called you on vacation...but...Schnapps got in the way of a another dog's bite and had to receive stitches in his left ear. When he shook his head it looked like a war zone in here. We were able to get him in to YOUR vet...it happened Friday and he's recovered well. It wasn't his fault, at all. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
OK, no big deal. Until..."Now about the vet bill...we are asking that you pay half of the it. (and boarding costs)." Stunned from being asked...and in the presence of my daughters...I stared blankly and wrote out the check of what we owed, plus half the vet bill.
Erika leaves, goes to the car with the dogs and tells Chuck what happened. I get in the car and Chuck looks at me in disbelief and angrily asks, "You REALLY didn't just pay half the vet bill, did you?" "Yep, I can't believe it either," I responded. "It's not right, I'm tired. I'll call them about it later..." We remained quiet and didn't discuss it further as we listened to the joy of the dogs and girls being reunited.
When we got home, Schnapps' left eye was draining green goop, the same side as the stitches...Monday came and I called the vet asking for an RX for his eye, from an obvious infection. Unfortunately, I had to bring him in and scheduled something for Tuesday morning. $37.46, later, I left the vet.
Calmly, I picked up the phone and called the place were we boarded the dogs. After identifying myself and Schnapps, I begin to say that I felt they should be responsible for the entire vet bill and that now, I sit with an additional vet bill in the amount of $37.46 from an eye infection on the same side as his stitches. I was then asked if the vet stated the eye infection was a result of the stitches/dog bite? Since I asked the vet, I gave him the same response I received, "Can't be sure, he could have just gotten something in his eye that irritated it, but I noticed it Sunday night." He then asks if I signed the waiver before boarding the dogs that explains there would be some inherent risks to boarding. I respond that I had, but still believe they should be responsible for the entire vet bill, because as he explained to me, "Schnapps was at no fault." He responded that he would refund me what I had paid for the vet bill, "Did I want to pick it up today or should he mail it?" I asked that he mail it, thanked him and hung up.
A few days later, I received the refund AND an the additional $37.46.
As I age, my sister-in-law, Kathy tells me, I am the most like my mother. (God, love her!) and in this circumstance, I believe I handled the situation just like my mother would have. But, had I not gotten the results that warranted what was right, Dad would have stepped up to the plate and gotten the results I needed!
Fast forward to present day and a funny thing happened, or so my brother-in-law, Tony thinks...and I found real joy in his response of, "Wow, you have really softened in your old age!" and he laughed (a lot) and even retold this story...
While in Mexico we boarded our two dogs. Upon return of picking them up, I was greeted with, "We weren't sure if we should have called you on vacation...but...Schnapps got in the way of a another dog's bite and had to receive stitches in his left ear. When he shook his head it looked like a war zone in here. We were able to get him in to YOUR vet...it happened Friday and he's recovered well. It wasn't his fault, at all. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
OK, no big deal. Until..."Now about the vet bill...we are asking that you pay half of the it. (and boarding costs)." Stunned from being asked...and in the presence of my daughters...I stared blankly and wrote out the check of what we owed, plus half the vet bill.
Erika leaves, goes to the car with the dogs and tells Chuck what happened. I get in the car and Chuck looks at me in disbelief and angrily asks, "You REALLY didn't just pay half the vet bill, did you?" "Yep, I can't believe it either," I responded. "It's not right, I'm tired. I'll call them about it later..." We remained quiet and didn't discuss it further as we listened to the joy of the dogs and girls being reunited.
When we got home, Schnapps' left eye was draining green goop, the same side as the stitches...Monday came and I called the vet asking for an RX for his eye, from an obvious infection. Unfortunately, I had to bring him in and scheduled something for Tuesday morning. $37.46, later, I left the vet.
Calmly, I picked up the phone and called the place were we boarded the dogs. After identifying myself and Schnapps, I begin to say that I felt they should be responsible for the entire vet bill and that now, I sit with an additional vet bill in the amount of $37.46 from an eye infection on the same side as his stitches. I was then asked if the vet stated the eye infection was a result of the stitches/dog bite? Since I asked the vet, I gave him the same response I received, "Can't be sure, he could have just gotten something in his eye that irritated it, but I noticed it Sunday night." He then asks if I signed the waiver before boarding the dogs that explains there would be some inherent risks to boarding. I respond that I had, but still believe they should be responsible for the entire vet bill, because as he explained to me, "Schnapps was at no fault." He responded that he would refund me what I had paid for the vet bill, "Did I want to pick it up today or should he mail it?" I asked that he mail it, thanked him and hung up.
A few days later, I received the refund AND an the additional $37.46.
As I age, my sister-in-law, Kathy tells me, I am the most like my mother. (God, love her!) and in this circumstance, I believe I handled the situation just like my mother would have. But, had I not gotten the results that warranted what was right, Dad would have stepped up to the plate and gotten the results I needed!
Thursday, October 30, 2014
O Patrick, Patrick...Where the Hell Were You?
When I was working I had a conversation with a customer who shared that her department was reading a series of books and had I read, The Three Signs of a Miserable Job? I remember laughing and asking her if she was giving me a hint? She then laughed and shared that it was a book similar to, Who Moved my Cheese? and that I might enjoy reading not only this book, but the whole series.
I have always loved to read, but hate being interrupted when I am in the midst of a cliff-hanging sentence. So, once the children began to crawl...I could not become absorbed in a book and needed to focus my reading time elsewhere...
The Three Signs of a Miserable Job, (authored by Patrick Lencioni) was by far the best book I have read in a long time. OK, so my comparison would be a Harlequin Romance, but seriously; when I started reading this book, I couldn't put it down and by the end of the day, I had completed this 200+ page "novel".
I then sent an email to this customer thanking her for leading me to this book and that when (if) I return to the workforce; "I would be a better employee and/or manager because of it."
Since July, I have had a lot of time for self-reflection and if there is one thing I've learned from my past 20 years of working; I NOW, wouldn't change anything. I grew as a person; both personally and professionally and I know I was a great employee and manager; but not perfect.
My subjective feelings of my past work situations have become objective. I like being on the outside looking in and I owe my gratitude to Mr. Lencioni.
I wish I could say I regret not being able to implement Mr. Lencioni leadership practices...I don't. However, I am grateful for the knowledge I gained through reading; it has provided me with the healing I needed and I am almost done with the whole series.
I have always loved to read, but hate being interrupted when I am in the midst of a cliff-hanging sentence. So, once the children began to crawl...I could not become absorbed in a book and needed to focus my reading time elsewhere...
The Three Signs of a Miserable Job, (authored by Patrick Lencioni) was by far the best book I have read in a long time. OK, so my comparison would be a Harlequin Romance, but seriously; when I started reading this book, I couldn't put it down and by the end of the day, I had completed this 200+ page "novel".
I then sent an email to this customer thanking her for leading me to this book and that when (if) I return to the workforce; "I would be a better employee and/or manager because of it."
Since July, I have had a lot of time for self-reflection and if there is one thing I've learned from my past 20 years of working; I NOW, wouldn't change anything. I grew as a person; both personally and professionally and I know I was a great employee and manager; but not perfect.
My subjective feelings of my past work situations have become objective. I like being on the outside looking in and I owe my gratitude to Mr. Lencioni.
I wish I could say I regret not being able to implement Mr. Lencioni leadership practices...I don't. However, I am grateful for the knowledge I gained through reading; it has provided me with the healing I needed and I am almost done with the whole series.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Over the Hills and Through the Woods
Grandparents Day. My all-time favorite school event. I enjoy it more than Parent's Day. I've missed only one since my children have attended Sts. Peter and Paul.
The day begins with a Mass for all attending the event. Then it's over to the school to be entertained by each class about how much the students love their grandparents. When my parents attended the day when Erika was in kindergarten, her class entertained us to the tune of "You are my Sunshine...only the words changed to honor their grandparents and ended with, "Please don't take my grandparents away." Tearing up, I knew I wasn't the only one who was touched by those words.
This year Danielle had to write a story using all of her senses. The teacher's chosen topic was to describe what they feel, taste, touch and smell when they are at their grandparent's house. Danielle came home and shared her dilemma of not remembering enough about her grandparents' house to write a story about it. I recommended she use The Commons where her grandpa lived for the past five years. "But, that's not a house," she refuted, "that's an apartment. Can I use Jody and Brian's house? They have a big house and I can write about Jody's smoked turkey." Showing outward excitement about her choice, my heart ached a little. I applauded her decision and we began brainstorming.
On a recent visit to the school, I stopped to read the finished projects of her class on this topic. In the upper left corner of the wall, was the lone paper titled, "My Aunt and Uncle's House." Thankful, it wasn't in the center, I attempted to read the rest of the literary art titled, "My Grandparents House." Staring at those 13 titles, I never read one. My heart broke, I began to tear up and by the time I was in my car, my tears flowed quickly and I cried all the way home.
My kids are blessed they have surrogate grandparents in Linda and Lew. I'm grateful, each year, they are wrapped in the arms of an aunt or uncle who loves them just as much as a grandparent on this day. When Kathy represented my dad in his absence last year, he said to me, "If I knew Kathy was going, I would have liked to go, too. I suppose it's too much work." Regretfully, I hadn't asked him since he said, "I'm just not up to it, Julie Ann," after my mom died. To make things easier on both of us, I never asked him again. Now I can't.
Armed with my camera, I'll be at this event again this year. Basking in the happiness of every child, including my own, I will take candid and posed shots of children interacting with their grandparents. Joy will fill my heart as many grandparents ask, "Can I get a copy of that picture? and some will even say, "I will pay you." It happens every year. My smiling response is always, "There is no cost and I will make sure I send a copy to your grandchild's teacher and they will get it to you." I'll think about how my mom called each of her grandchildren as"treasures," and I will reflect knowing that's what my photos will mean to the grandparents who receive them.
I know this year's Grandparents Day will be my toughest yet, it will also be Danielle's last at the school. While Danielle and Carley will be well represented by their aunts Linda and Patty and Uncle Don, this year will be different. Both sets of grandparents will be able to enjoy the day together, sharing in their pride and joy as they look upon their treasures from heaven.
It will be the first time my children will have all of their grandparents with them on this day.
The day begins with a Mass for all attending the event. Then it's over to the school to be entertained by each class about how much the students love their grandparents. When my parents attended the day when Erika was in kindergarten, her class entertained us to the tune of "You are my Sunshine...only the words changed to honor their grandparents and ended with, "Please don't take my grandparents away." Tearing up, I knew I wasn't the only one who was touched by those words.
This year Danielle had to write a story using all of her senses. The teacher's chosen topic was to describe what they feel, taste, touch and smell when they are at their grandparent's house. Danielle came home and shared her dilemma of not remembering enough about her grandparents' house to write a story about it. I recommended she use The Commons where her grandpa lived for the past five years. "But, that's not a house," she refuted, "that's an apartment. Can I use Jody and Brian's house? They have a big house and I can write about Jody's smoked turkey." Showing outward excitement about her choice, my heart ached a little. I applauded her decision and we began brainstorming.
On a recent visit to the school, I stopped to read the finished projects of her class on this topic. In the upper left corner of the wall, was the lone paper titled, "My Aunt and Uncle's House." Thankful, it wasn't in the center, I attempted to read the rest of the literary art titled, "My Grandparents House." Staring at those 13 titles, I never read one. My heart broke, I began to tear up and by the time I was in my car, my tears flowed quickly and I cried all the way home.
My kids are blessed they have surrogate grandparents in Linda and Lew. I'm grateful, each year, they are wrapped in the arms of an aunt or uncle who loves them just as much as a grandparent on this day. When Kathy represented my dad in his absence last year, he said to me, "If I knew Kathy was going, I would have liked to go, too. I suppose it's too much work." Regretfully, I hadn't asked him since he said, "I'm just not up to it, Julie Ann," after my mom died. To make things easier on both of us, I never asked him again. Now I can't.
Armed with my camera, I'll be at this event again this year. Basking in the happiness of every child, including my own, I will take candid and posed shots of children interacting with their grandparents. Joy will fill my heart as many grandparents ask, "Can I get a copy of that picture? and some will even say, "I will pay you." It happens every year. My smiling response is always, "There is no cost and I will make sure I send a copy to your grandchild's teacher and they will get it to you." I'll think about how my mom called each of her grandchildren as"treasures," and I will reflect knowing that's what my photos will mean to the grandparents who receive them.
I know this year's Grandparents Day will be my toughest yet, it will also be Danielle's last at the school. While Danielle and Carley will be well represented by their aunts Linda and Patty and Uncle Don, this year will be different. Both sets of grandparents will be able to enjoy the day together, sharing in their pride and joy as they look upon their treasures from heaven.
It will be the first time my children will have all of their grandparents with them on this day.
Hit The Road, Jack(ie)!
Names have been changed to protect the guilty.
Many parents had told Julia that she would love it when her children would start driving. She couldn't help, but agree, having one of her children begin driving four years ago.
Julia lived in the country. In the country, she experienced a lot of slow moving vehicles during the Fall. "Why aren't you passing that tractor? Gosh, can't that tractor pulling the plow move any faster?! Pass the feed truck! What's the problem with that truck pulling a trailer full of cows, it should be going the speed limit!" Knowing the answer, Julia kept them to herself. She wanted to be the example of a patient and safe driver for Jackie.
"You know you're too far back (in the turn lane), don't you? Blinded by the sun, Julia told Jackie the sun was blocking her vision. The light turned green. "Julia, it's green!" In an exasperated tone, Julia responded, "I can see that!" Equally frustrated, Jackie quipped, "Well, you said you couldn't see, the sun was blocking your vision." "Obviously, I saw it was a red light because I stopped!" Julia stated angrily." "Geez, I'm just trying to help," Jackie stated, getting the last word. Silence. Julia uttered a sigh of relief (the last unspoken word) and continued on...
"Is it legal to pass on the left?"(at a green light when the car in front of you has its blinker on to turn right?) Jackie asked Julia as she performed this while driving only a block from the last stoplight. "Well, you should always look in your rearview mirror and blind spot on your right before you pass," Julia stated, unsure of the correct answer and thinking to herself, it must be, I've never gotten pulled over and all the other drivers do it...Julia silently feared if it was illegal; Jackie (and Julia) would find out if Jackie performed the action during her road test.
"Why are you going this way?" Jackie asked Julia when she took a left vs. the right she usually took to drop Jackie off at school. BECAUSE, I'M THE DRIVER, DAMMIT! Breathe...one. Two. Three. Julia took a deep breath and responded, "I have a doctor's appointment and if I go this way, the doctor's office is easier to get to, it will be on my right..." "I don't think it makes a difference, you know I hate it when you take this way," Jackie interrupted.
Silence, once again, until they arrived at school. "I love you, have a good day at school," Julia told Jackie as she quickly got out of the car and walked away. On a "good" day, Jackie would respond to the ritualistic goodbye with a, "Thanks for the ride, love you, too" Not today.
Julia enjoyed the quiet ride home and had time to think. Maybe, this would be a good time to change the rule of the oldest in the family always rides shotgun in the car...until they take driver's ed...and then they would have to move to the backseat to observe the driver's skills? Julia was in her mid-forties and was getting better at the selective hearing she observed from her husband after 23 years of marriage...when Jackie asks or states something about her driving, a few "What's? from Julia would eventually frustrate Jackie into silence while sitting in the back seat.
As Julia pulled in the driveway, she knew it was best not to change the "rule" they made 10 years ago (about the oldest riding shotgun) and reflected. She was glad that Jackie was observant and interested in applying what she had learned and appreciated her heightened sense awareness about the laws of driving. Knowing Jackie was observing and was more aware about her driving skills, made Julia a (slightly) more conscientious driver. Still, Julia, couldn't help but be excited for another driver in the house. This time for a different reason.
Many parents had told Julia that she would love it when her children would start driving. She couldn't help, but agree, having one of her children begin driving four years ago.
Julia lived in the country. In the country, she experienced a lot of slow moving vehicles during the Fall. "Why aren't you passing that tractor? Gosh, can't that tractor pulling the plow move any faster?! Pass the feed truck! What's the problem with that truck pulling a trailer full of cows, it should be going the speed limit!" Knowing the answer, Julia kept them to herself. She wanted to be the example of a patient and safe driver for Jackie.
"You know you're too far back (in the turn lane), don't you? Blinded by the sun, Julia told Jackie the sun was blocking her vision. The light turned green. "Julia, it's green!" In an exasperated tone, Julia responded, "I can see that!" Equally frustrated, Jackie quipped, "Well, you said you couldn't see, the sun was blocking your vision." "Obviously, I saw it was a red light because I stopped!" Julia stated angrily." "Geez, I'm just trying to help," Jackie stated, getting the last word. Silence. Julia uttered a sigh of relief (the last unspoken word) and continued on...
"Is it legal to pass on the left?"(at a green light when the car in front of you has its blinker on to turn right?) Jackie asked Julia as she performed this while driving only a block from the last stoplight. "Well, you should always look in your rearview mirror and blind spot on your right before you pass," Julia stated, unsure of the correct answer and thinking to herself, it must be, I've never gotten pulled over and all the other drivers do it...Julia silently feared if it was illegal; Jackie (and Julia) would find out if Jackie performed the action during her road test.
"Why are you going this way?" Jackie asked Julia when she took a left vs. the right she usually took to drop Jackie off at school. BECAUSE, I'M THE DRIVER, DAMMIT! Breathe...one. Two. Three. Julia took a deep breath and responded, "I have a doctor's appointment and if I go this way, the doctor's office is easier to get to, it will be on my right..." "I don't think it makes a difference, you know I hate it when you take this way," Jackie interrupted.
Silence, once again, until they arrived at school. "I love you, have a good day at school," Julia told Jackie as she quickly got out of the car and walked away. On a "good" day, Jackie would respond to the ritualistic goodbye with a, "Thanks for the ride, love you, too" Not today.
Julia enjoyed the quiet ride home and had time to think. Maybe, this would be a good time to change the rule of the oldest in the family always rides shotgun in the car...until they take driver's ed...and then they would have to move to the backseat to observe the driver's skills? Julia was in her mid-forties and was getting better at the selective hearing she observed from her husband after 23 years of marriage...when Jackie asks or states something about her driving, a few "What's? from Julia would eventually frustrate Jackie into silence while sitting in the back seat.
As Julia pulled in the driveway, she knew it was best not to change the "rule" they made 10 years ago (about the oldest riding shotgun) and reflected. She was glad that Jackie was observant and interested in applying what she had learned and appreciated her heightened sense awareness about the laws of driving. Knowing Jackie was observing and was more aware about her driving skills, made Julia a (slightly) more conscientious driver. Still, Julia, couldn't help but be excited for another driver in the house. This time for a different reason.
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